Ted Dibiase and the Million Dollar Punk Band

by Ted Dibiase and the Million Dollar Punk Band

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    The first full length album from Ted Dibiase and the Million Dollar Punk Band in a gatefold card case.

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about

The first full length album from Ted Dibiase and the Million Dollar Punk Band. The one the world has been waiting the past 5 years for.

credits

released May 9, 2014

All songs written and performed by Ted Dibiase and the Million Dollar Punk Band.
All sounds created with electric guitar, electric bass and acoustic drums.
No keyboard, no synth, no piano, no Schoenhut toy piano, no organ, no saxophone, no trumpet, no acoustic guitar, no drum machine, no vegetarians.

Engineered and mixed by Dangerous Jimmy Simpson.
Additional engineering by Robbie Dazzler.
Recorded at Squarehead Studio.

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Ted Dibiase and the Million Dollar Punk Band Sittingbourne, UK

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Track Name: Small Hands (Suited to Sequins)
Teach them a trade at an early age

Thank god for those Indian kids,
Taking up sewing, learning to knit.
Thank god for the Indian kids,
Keeping me in fashion, keeping me rich.

Small hands, suited to sequins,
You should see their faces at the sewing machines.
And it's not the best paid job in the industry
but they get 10% off shoes and socks at all Primark shops

I dread to think how much my clothes would cost
If it wasn't for the Indian sweatshops

Because I saw it on a documentary on channel 4
Children being denied the things they love due to employment law
And it's not my place to say child labour isn't evil
But if that kid wants to sew, give him a needle
Track Name: The Day Osama Bin Laden Came To Tea (Let’s Get Political pt.2)
found bin laden hiding in a cave
when he looked at me he gave me a cheeky wave
he offered me an invitation
when i took his hand he had a fucking erection

dancing
with the taliban
we went dancing
with the taliban

the US army are a bunch of boring cunts
can't smoke or drink when you're shooting a gun
next time we'll join the taliban

he invited me to the end of year dance didn't he
passing round the vol au vents, topping up the bubbly
said he had a present, I should close my eyes tight
I looked in his hand, that definitely wasn't dynamite
Track Name: Stop Wasting My Fucking Taxes On Toilet Duck
screaming casualties
the dr's the enemy
employing the phillipines
to bring round the tea
parking ticket
nowhere to park
where am i to park my roller?

phone call
minister
yes ted?
burn the nhs
phone call
minister
yes ted?
fuck the nhs

big fat nurses
a hobo fucking cunt's
cleaning the toilet
when it's been done
canteens full
dirty fucking skanks
serving my chips on a plastic plate
Track Name: Is That A Stick Of Dynamite In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?
it's kentucky fried friday
sitting in the services
chowing into to chicken
like a wolf with a thirst for it

some lads enter
one's wearing a backpack
look across at lee
and we have to hurry up

cos we can taste the suspicion
he gave a wink, gave a nod
they ordered a bargain bucket
but we know what’s going on

we saw the sweat on his brow
he gave a wink, a suspicious cough
we dont wanna be around
we dont wanna be around
we dont wanna be around
when one of them goes off

then we're walking round canterbury
killing time between beers
engaged in intelligent conversation
about paul gascoigne’s career

when a family walks past
they're all dressed in black
i look across at lee
he has a panic attack

because he can smell the suspicion
they're all huddled in a group
just out to do their weekly big shop
but we know the truth

we saw the sweat on their brows
is that a ticking noise or a tut?
we dont wanna be around
we dont wanna be around
we dont wanna be around
when one of them goes up

I’ve seen the news
exploders are everywhere!
I’ve seen the news
be scared be scared be scared!

I’m sick so sick of living in fear
of men with backpacks, men with beards

so we go to the gym
cos we’re starting to bloat
fatter than elvis
before he took a shit and croaked

then an irish bloke enters
carrying a duffel bag
i look across at lee
and he starts to look scared

does that bag contain his gym shorts and shoes
or is there something else inside?
is he here to work on his abs and biceps
or has he got something to hide?

cos we can smell the suspicion
a bag of nails? no one knows!
we dont wanna be around
we dont wanna be around
we dont wanna be around
when one of them explodes
Track Name: Something Like You
Me and Adele we get on pretty well yeah

The petrol strike it don’t affect me
I got so much money if my
Chauffer has to queue i don’t care

And all you kids that brought my albums
Want to come and see me perform
Once you’ve paid i don’t care how you get there

Me and Adele we get on pretty well yeah

Though i complain about the expense
I still use the nhs cos
I aint paying for my own care

But when i got my tax bill in
I was ready to buy a gun
and go randomly open fire

Me and Adele we get on pretty well yeah

Cos i’m a fucking idiot
Who doesn’t believe
I should pay for other people’s
Medical needs
I’m just a selfish prick
And i don’t think that it’s cool
Paying to put other people’s
Kids through school
Well you’ve heard us scream already
Fuck the NHS!
It was inspired by an interview
With Adele in the press
And we can’t use public transport
Any more either
So why should we have to pay
For you peasants to get here?

So maybe one day i’ll find someone like you
Who doesn’t believe in paying for the services they don’t use
Who complains about paying tax
on her millions in the bank
Sometimes it hurts to have to give a little back
Yeah sometimes it hurts to have to give a little back
Track Name: Since 2009
i’m protesting
about all the new developments popping up round here
they say they’re creating thousands of jobs and new careers
and its good for our economy
it’s good for business
but i’d like the countryside
that i grew up with
to remain...
undisturbed...

it’s disgusting
they think they can do what they like it seems anything goes
on every empty inch of land a new tescos
and it’s not that i’ve become
environmental
but there’s a couple of bits of country that
i’m quite attached to
should remain...
undisturbed...

they’re digging up the countryside
and i am scared of what they’ll find
we’ve been hiding dead prostitutes since 2009

it’s just a living
the rich wont get their hands dirty so they turn to us
when they’ve had a little accident that needs to be covered up
and we do it for a price
they call ridiculous
but we give the charity shops
their bras and knickers
so we’re not all bad
we’re not all bad...

but dont get me wrong
we’ve not been killing them
we don’t believe in the
working woman
it’s just a service we provide
for the rich and depraved

dont get me wrong
we’ve not been killing them
a way to make money
good way to meet women
It’s a service we provide
for the rich and depraved

if you’ve got the money
we’ve got a spade
if you’ve got the money
we’ll find a spot in the shade....